Starting at one end.

Film and the End of my Freelancing Chapter + Recents from my Contax T2

First, what I’m listening to right now as I write: Best Day Ever by Mac Miller

Last month I decided to sell all my gear and keep only my (recently acquired I should add) Contax T2 film camera. And it was this decision that led me to pick up a camera regularly again. Taking photos, the medium that started it all for me, has been exciting again.

To put things into perspective, I’ve been involved in some sort of creative pursuit for more than half my life (I turn 32 this May). From internships and competitions in design as far back as high school to my more recent pursuits in directing and telling stories across timezones through both photography and filmmaking, my desire to both express myself and honor the world around me in some creative way has been innate from the start. And for the past eight years, I’ve been doing this full-time as a career. But now, I’m ready for the next chapter of life- one that offers not only a renewed sense of fulfillment, but also allows me to lay a foundation of stability, security, and depth of work that freelancing in this space just can’t give me.

This arc of my life was unbelievably special. It led me to experience places and moments that I never thought I was meant for. It gifted me with good friends, meaningful work, and fond memories in far off cities, coasts and mountainsides. It taught me so much more about the human experience than anything I could read about in books. It reflected my own mind back at me, both in its ugliest truths and in its most liberating lessons. And it’s because of all this that I feel at peace with moving forward to something new. It’s not that I don’t love creating anymore. I just no longer want to pursue it in its current form. When you’re approached to direct and execute creative projects and campaigns in a temporary capacity, you just can’t create the long term and deeper impact that I crave more of. I’d rather pour all the experience and insights I’ve gathered into one mission or cause for a while. So now I’m actively exploring and speaking with value-aligned brands and causes where I can serve as an in-house creative lead or director. The greatest work of my life is still ahead of me, and I cannot put into words how exciting that is to know.

During this transition, film photography has met me exactly where I am and when I needed it the most. Up until recently, I wasn’t in a place where I could appreciate the creative process that film comes with until I slowed my life down as well. When I stripped away the flagship mirrorless cameras and clinically perfect lenses, I reconnected with my love for capturing life again- it was just buried under all the goddamn burnout. Film photography lets me spend more time in the mix of life rather than staring at curves in Lightroom during a time of AI slop and redundancy. The presence and artistic philosophy it encourages aligns with my own artistic approach since the beginning. It allows, and requires, taking time to be intentional with each moment. It nudges us to slow down, practice holding a moment, letting it go, and allowing it to come back in due time. And with the ease of doing it all with a point-and-shoot camera that lets me slip it into my pocket and be out the door? Yeah, I’m beyond sold.

More than anything, I’m excited to be doing it from a place of love again. Let me come back to this in a little bit with some recent selects from the Contax T2.

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Postcards from 1997 Germany

Late afternoon winter light. She gave me all of golden hour. Taken by my mother. Monchengladbach, 1997.

I won’t lie to you. The majority of my memories associated with this home aren’t laced with feelings of happiness, stability, nor safety. But a couple of years ago, I made a short film to celebrate turning 30 and through it wrote what I wanted to be a visual thank you letter to the community of people that got me to this point in life. And part of that process found me rummaging through a box of old photos my mother kept throughout the 16 times that we’ve moved since then. I didn’t even know that some of these memories of quiet and happiness existed, but the true gift was in learning about why they existed.

I’m probably the only person who’s had the volume of front row seat memories of what made our time in Germany especially traumatic and heartbreaking for my mother. And yet here were instances where she chose to capture moments that she found and made beautiful. She found pockets of light and happiness to hold on to no matter what else was going on and decided that there were moments worth sending to the future. Call it proof of life, resistance through joy and creation, or just a couple of sweet moments shared between a mother and her first born.

But the kid’s been chasing golden hour since.

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Finding myself on Substack now is a part of my continued desire to honor everything that brought me to this point while moving life forward with new insight and perspectives on life. Like many, I’ve kind of just been bored of Instagram and don’t want to force a desire to post there (or anywhere for that matter) unless it comes from a place of inspiration, joy, or plain out just feels right. It’s only right to dedicate this space to expressing myself in ways that come naturally again. I’ll talk about mental health and ADHD in particular more. I might talk about anime in one moment and rant about something in the creative industry in the next. I’ll write to younger artists and share things I’m reading that I find interesting. I’ll share stories because I want them to live in a space beyond the dusty hard drives that are apparently getting absurdly expensive due to the AI boom. I might offer long-winded rambles and at other points share punchier takes on community, storytelling, and art. I’ll share what I’ve learned, what I’m learning, and what I can’t wait to learn more about. I’ll find new ways to interact with people. I intend to let this be a free-flowing creative space and appreciate if you’ve read this far.

I’d like to acknowledge my good friends Zaina, Ahmed, and Sawyer for encouraging and supporting my leap into film. You guys helped me want to pick up a camera every day again. Thank you.

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These are some slice-of-life film photos I’ve taken lately. I’m about 12 rolls in with the Contax T2 and the experience just gets better and better so far.

Taking in whatever sun we get lately. Snowpocalypse winds have been enough to cut skin on some days. But warmer days are ahead 🤞🏽

Aron at Dolcezza Coffee - one of the most assuring sights to see when walking in because he nails my drink every single time.

Luffy is my roommate’s cat but I’ve adopted him as my nephew. He’s naturally become a significant part of my daily routine & I’ll actually be sad when I move. In the meantime, most of my film rolls will either start or end with him.

My good friend Soraya being a full vibe as always on set in Astoria, Queens, New York. An outtake from a lifestyle shoot for Nominal.

Late afternoon light in LA from a recent trip. This was with Cinestill 400D. Still figuring out if I like this stock but I do appreciate what it tries to do.

Probably sunshine incarnate. Iman at Gravelly Point. It’s a locals favorite park by DCA airport (thankfully walking distance from my place) where planes fly right over your hangs.